Lesson #12: The grass is greener if you water it

            All through life we all complain, hear complaints, and are complaints.  We complain about the weather, work, chores, kids, school, appearance, doors, people, Christmas, family, friends, and on and on.  We are not strangers to participating or hearing complaints.  In our society, we are entitled to complain if something does not go our way.  In fact, we now have websites where it is “liked” by 1,000s of friends to complain.

            What do people wish to accomplish by complaining?  I haven’t figured that one out yet.  The act of complaining does not change anything nor does it make a person feel better.  In addition, complaining has been proven to be contagious.  So not only does it bring the person down, it takes everyone around them down with them.

            There are a good amount of complaints that are so common they could all just be put into a book titled, “The top 100 complaints in the world.”  Here are a few:

1.      This weather is horrible!  I wish it would (warm up or cool down) real soon!

2.      I hate Mondays, can we just skip it?

3.      Dreading going to work today, I hate my job!

4.     I have so much laundry, ugh.

5.      I had to clean my house all day and I am so tired!

6.     Wish I had more money so I could (go on vacation, buy a new car, get a bigger house, get some new clothes)

7.     My kids won’t stop making a mess!

Can’t you just picture these as Facebook statuses?

Everyone says, the grass is always greener on the other side.  I believe it is greener, but only if you water it, take care of it, and appreciate its beauty.

Consider this:

1.      When the weather is cold, people complain because it’s too cold.  When the weather is warm, people complain because it is too warm.  When it is dry and brown, people want it to be green.  When it rains, people pray for it to stop.

2.      If we did away with Mondays, wouldn’t we just despise Tuesdays?

3.      People hate their jobs and they want vacations.  But, how do you pay for a vacation without a job?

4.     All those clothes you bought because you complained about not having enough is now the laundry pile you are complaining about.

5.      Everyone wants bigger, better houses.  Until it comes time to clean them.

If a person has thick hair, they want thin.  If a person is bored, they want something to do.  If a person is too busy, they want to be bored.  Let me put it to you this way.

The grass is as green as you make it.

If you decide to make the best of all the grass you step in, it will be green.  If you decide to look at every lawn and decide that no matter how difficult, it can be green, it will be.  When it rains, think of the flowers it will grow.  When it is Monday, thank the good Lord you are alive.  When you go to work, think of something fun you want to save up for.  Water the grass people, make the grass green.

Lesson #11: Jonah wasn't crazy

Hi there friends!

I have been dying to blog for... 2 weeks?  Somehow life keeps getting in the way.  So I am about to bust and feel like this may be a post full of word vomit and uncontrolable rants.  But, I will try and keep it to the point.  There are 3 big lessons I have learned in the past month that I want to write about.... But I picked the one that takes up the majority of my mind and I will get to the other two soon... Hopefully soon or I may be destined to bust.

Lesson #11: Jonah wasn't crazy

I could do you a favor here and copy/paste the passage I am refering to, but I am not.  I encourage you to open your Bible, the hard copy, the one you can feel in your hands and turn the pages without swiping a screen, and read.  You may need to turn a lamp on or search for a while because you have been using the Bible app on your phone/iPad.  I do not judge, I do the same.  But just this once, go old school.  Maybe even grab a pen or highlighter and get lost.  It's quite refreshing.

Jonah 1-2, although reading the whole thing wouldn't take much longer.  It's not a long book.

When I think of Jonah I remember this movie that I used to watch when I was little.  See my mom goes through phases where she sells products for a while and then moves on to the next line.  When I was little she went through a phase where she sold Nest, a brand that sold Bible Story movies, coloring books, and workbooks.  (I guess the modern version of this would be Veggie Tales)  We thought they were pretty cool, especially since she had every movie and they were only 30 minutes... So it was easy to talk mom into letting us watch one so we could delay bedtime. (:

Jonah was one of the movies.  The cartoon showed him getting the message from God to go to Nineveh and then getting on a boat.  It showed him in the bottom of the boat, alone, surrounded by boxes.  I always thought to myself, Jonah, you are so silly!  You can't hide from God!  He will find you!  Why wouldn't you listen to God anyway?

I am here today to tell you he wasn't crazy.

I recently applied and began training for the volunteer position at Bluegrass Rape Crisis Center.  I saw the opportunity on a Georgetown College group on facebook and felt immediately drawn.  For some reason I felt, I need to do this.  As usual, I was really excited for a new opportunity to volunteer and I printed and filled out the application with a huge smile on my face.  O what fun!  I can't wait to start!  This will definitely be a challenge... I've never had to train for a volunteer job!  Yeah for learning!  BONUS: This will be a great start in what I want to do with my life... This is what I think when I think *10 years from now...*

The training started 3 Saturdays ago and I got a big slap in the face.  This is no ordinary volunteer job.  This is intense.  My title will be a "Medical Advocate."  My duties include meeting victims of sexual violence in the hospitals I am assigned to.  I will meet people at possibly the worst point in their life and offer words of kindness, offer knowledge on what options lay in front of them, and to BELIEVE them.  There are skills, steps, to dos and don'ts and nevers, tones of voice, and on and on...  There will be police officers and nurses and SAFE exams and families and friends and brokenness... There are stats and laws and myths and emotions and systems and flaws and, and, and...

I kept waiting for someone to ask me to leave.  I kept waiting to find out I didn't meet a qualification.  I kept waiting for someone to make an excuse for me to not go through with it.  I was SCARED.  What if I don't know what to say?  What if I say the wrong thing?  What if I am not cut out for this?  Can you get fired from a volunteer position???

I wanted to run away, get in a boat, hide in the bottom, and float away... Maybe Jonah wasn't crazy?

But I kept feeling this tug, this gut feeling that I was right where I was supposed to be.  That if I did run away I'd be running from God, just like Jonah...

Another big slap was when one of the staff members said, "This is not about you, this is about the victim. In that moment, everything you feel and say is about them and their well being. Later, you can debrief and call us and talk out your feelings and self help, that is important and we do not downplay it's importance, but there in that hospital, you are on hold." And here I was thinking about me...

Don't you know... God pulled me through... In the training we were asked multiple times to "check in," which meant we said our name and how we were feeling.  Every person said something along the lines of "I am nervous" or "This sounds tough."  I AM NOT ALONE!  It's like that moment in class when you are so confused and think you are the only one and then that kid asked the question and everyone in the class looks relieved.  Everyone was nervous, everyone was afraid, everyone felt the intensity.

So once again, I have prayed for strength and courage... There is a previous post on this... I will never officially learn my lesson I guess.  I can feel God pushing me, giving me strength, and my courage is slowly building...

The struggle still continues... I have one more Saturday of training... And then there will be the first call... Then the tough cases... Then the weight of it all...

Today, still, I feel like Jonah.  Mostly about this, but about also about life.  Graduating college means being a big girl, finding a job that has more pressure than putting the clothes in the bag the right way and circling the savings.  The world will require something of me, I will finally be able to do what I was meant to (whatever that means) and I will be continuing down the path God wants me to.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I may get on the boat every once in a while, I may even need to be thrown overboard, but I trust that in those times I will call out to God, like Jonah.  When I am in the darkness of the belly of the whale, I will pray to be vomited back up.  I pray that I will turn around and walk the direction that I was supposed to walk all along.

Jonah's prayer in chapter 2 will need to be close by and the words may need to be repeated over and over again.  But, I hope that I can utter them.

With all of that said, I hope I am saying what I mean to say.  I hope that my lesson can in some way inspire you today the way Jonah inspires me.  (And to think we only made it through the first 2 chapters... 3&4 are a whole 'nother day!)

Lesson #10: Always expect the unexpected!

Hello there!

I feel like I am in a movie... It's cold and snowy outside but I am the warm coffee shop sipping on hot chocolate and every once in a while glancing outside to watch life go by.  It is actually quite peaceful... The lighting even has a warm tint to it.   I swear Drew Barrymore is going to walk in any moment... Anyway...

Lesson #10: Always expect the unexpected!

Today, Matthew kissed me good bye and left for work before the sun came up.  An hour or so later, I woke up to my kitty purring and cuddling, like usual.  I got ready for class and walked to campus in the biting cold.  The first day of classes was usual and expected.  We went over the syllabus, the anxiety took over my body, and the stress set in.  All completely expected.  I came home and kept busy until Matthew got off work.  Then, as planned, we drove to the vet's office for Buster's yearly shots and check up.  (Buster is our dog who we love love love.  I would've attached an adorable picture but the computer isn't letting me.  Just picture a golden retriever cut off at the knees and add chow hair.  He is THE cutest!  promise.)  Completely normal right?  Well, this is where the unexpected kicks in!  His ears have been bothering him and each of them had a scab that looked infected.  One looked significantly worse than the other and the entire ear was growing quite thick.  Something similar has happened before, we've treated it at home, and then it goes away.  We thought maybe that the vet would give us some sort of antibiotic cream or something simple.  NO!  UNEXPECTED!  Buster was taken immediately into surgery!!!  I know he is a dog and I know nothing about mothering, but I am still his "mom!"  This was not easy for me!!

Let me back up... The surgery was SUPER minor and they said fairly common.  He was in and out in a few hours and now he is home with his grandma resting.  I will now explain what happened, if you do not care about dog anatomy or what the surgery was, I give you permission to skip the next paragraph.

Okay, put your hands together, like prayer hands.  Look at your thumbs.  This is what the inside of a dogs ear sort of looks like.  If the dog some how manages to bust the blood vessels inside his ear then a space between the hands starts to appear and this is not good.  The space starts to fill with fluids and infection that cause pain.  The pain causes the dog to shake and scratch even more.  So, in order to drain the fluid and for the ear to heal, the vet has to put in a tube.  The tube will stay in for 6 weeks and then they will remove it.  The draining should be done in about 4 days, but scar tissue has to form and the ear needs to fully recover before the tube can be removed.  How did he burst his blood vessel?  We are not 100% sure.  The vet says that it looks like from some sort of trauma.  We think it happened during a panic attack last week.  He had a rough day or so where he wouldn't calm down or sleep.  :(  He has a lot of trouble with anxiety.  We think he was abused before we adopted him so that is completely understandable.

So, Buster is okay and well.  He is probably asleep as I type, but I will worry about him because he is my baby!!  Luckily, we have one healthy pet!  May Mobley, our kitty, is strong and healthy and ruling our apartment with an iron paw!

Okay, I am almost done... I have a sub lesson in all of this.  Sub lesson of #10: Mommy senses are real.

I told you about my day and how normal it was.  But, you can ask Matthew.  I texted him all day worried about this vet apt.  I just felt it in my gut that something bad was going to happen at the vet.  Like I said, I know I am not a real mother, but I felt like it was some sort of sense that I had.  I was right!

If that isn't good enough proof, I'll tell you a story about me.  One night, when I was in middle school maybe?  I woke up and didn't feel so good.  I won't give any details but I will tell you that I was not loud and I wasn't noisy.  My sister in the next room did not wake up.  But my mommy, who was downstairs through two closed doors woke up.  She came upstairs and asked if I was okay.  HOW DID SHE KNOW??? Because moms know.  They just do!

I hope that you enjoyed todays lesson and tomorrow, you expect the unexpected.  It doesn't always have to be bad. (:

Lesson #9: Life is better when you are bloggin'

Hello there readers! (if there any...)

Today I came to the local coffee shop to eat lunch with my wonderful mother-in-law and some friends from church.  I decided to stick around and get on the Internet for the first time in weeks... I clicked on my blog (that I haven't updated since August...) and read some of the posts.  It reminded me of how much I loved blogging... even with only nine posts.  I remember how relaxing it was to write out my thoughts and clear my mind a little.  So I am going to try to start up again.  It's not a New Years Resolution or anything like that... Just gonna try it out again.

Since it is the 2013 now... Everyone is posting lists about 2012 and so it seems appropriate for me to post a list about 2012.  Specifically lessons I have learned!!  Here I go:

• There are things you should not buy the cheap, off brands for, even if you are tight on money!
• Kitty litter... The purpose of it is to clump and to mask the smell of nasty kitty things.  Off brand litter from CVS does not do these things and she may as well be doing her business on the floor.
• Dish washing liquid... When the dish has gone through the process of being washed and dried it should NOT still smell like the food that was in it before.  A bowl that smells like spaghetti doesn't mix well with cereal!
• Our parents weren't crazy or making things up!
• This is a direct quote from the hubby!  One day we were cleaning and after a while we still had a list of to dos!  I told him, "Having your own house stinks! (kidding) You gotta clean it, pay for it, and the laundry and dishes never stops!"  His response was, "Maybe my mom wasn't crazy or making things up when she was always saying she had a lot to do!"
• Holidays as a married couple are amazing, but there is no making everyone happy!
• I think that one explains itself... Remember to be understanding everyone. (:
• Having a wedding and a trip to Haiti in the same summer is super awesome and super crazy at the same time!
• 2013 is going to have big shoes to fill... 2012 was the best year ever!
• There are still good people left in the world!
• If you don't know it, I work at Kohls.  During November and December we are crazy busy with customers Christmas shopping!!  It is insane!  I love it because I love being busy, but it is also sometimes frustrating because the rude in the customer seems to come out around in this time!  I had one lady throw the contents of her wallet at me for asking for a second form of identification.  My friend had a lady yell at her for the 86 cents she owed and refused to pay it.  It seemed like every customer complained about all the Christmas shopping they had to do, like I was making them do it?  And I could go on and on... But there are still good people left in the world. 
• One man needed assistance with the cotton candy machines we sold.  We were swamped and he was going to need to wait a minute.  I went to explain to him that it would be a bit before someone was with him and was prepared to apologize up and down because normally this doesn't go over so well... He stopped me and said, "It's okay, I know you are busy.  I will go wait."  I could have kissed the man.  It was so so sweet!
• One day it had been busy like usual and I asked the lady checking out how she was.  Normally I get a "good" and then they ask aboud coupons or complain about their day.  She said, "I am great!  How are you?  Are you exhausted?  You look like you have been working so hard!  I appreciate it!"  I almost cried.  That small little talk was such a big blessing!
• Last week we were very busy and had a lot of call outs and our manager was feeling very under the weather.  My drawer was running low on change and there was no one to run and get me any.  The customers in my line heard me talking on my walkie and each of them gave me all the ones and pennies they could without me even asking.  They counted out twenty and thirty pennies so I could refill my drawer.  How sweet is that????
• Lastly, the customer behind the customer who threw her wallet contents at me.  She told me she was sorry that happened to me and that she hoped my day got better!  Those words meant so much!
• I love blogging!  That's my last lesson on my list, but I am sure I learned a lot more!

Well, I must go.  My cute husband just got off work and is about to head to his second job.  My poor man... He works too much!  So I am off to spend as much time with him as a I can!  I hope to blog again soon!  Life is better when you are bloggin'!

Lesson #8: If it's God's will, He will find a way

O, how I do love my blog.  I really do.  It's just we find trouble meeting.  For those of you who don't know, my new husband and I just moved into our first place!  It's a really cute downtown apartment that is just too perfect for words!  The location, the size, the love that is growing inside of it!  It has it all, except internet... Which is actually nice in some ways.  We do not have cable or internet and I really appreciate it most days.  As a couple we try really hard to stay away from the constant stimulation of screens.  We try and eat dinner at our little table and spend the nights on the futon just talking.  I don't think we'd be as successful if we had the tv and the internet to distract us.  You should try it one day, turn off all your technology.   Turn off your phones, tv, internet, iPads, ps3s, xboxes, ds, and even the family fun Wii, and just enjoy each other without batteries and plugs.  I should stop, this is another post for another day.

The life without the net is wonderful until I find the urge to blog.  For now, I am at the mercy of the local coffee shop and the odd hours it keeps.

Lesson #8: If it's God's will, He will find a way

God is amazing!  His plans are way better than mine could ever be!  So many times I have thought, this is not possible, there is no way that this will work out, or this will take so much work, is it even worth it?  But, if it's God's will, He will find a way.

What triggered this lesson, today?  It has been proven to me so many times before.  But, today is special.  First, I wanna share my past experiences.

I am a third year student at Georgetown College, newly married, just moved into an apt, just got back from Haiti, and I love to be independent.  That all sounds wonderful and beautiful.  Until you step back and look at how much it cost!  Georgetown College?  You can look up that expense, but to spare you the time it is an arm and a leg to go there.  Scholarships help, but there is always the remaining balance.  And since I love being independent, the remaining expenses fall on me, I do like it that way.  Newly married?  Everyone who is reading this can probably guess the expenses that come with that.  Our new apt?  Very nice, but that comes with a cost.  And going to Haiti?  Not cheap.  There are those who have said, outloud to my face, "You are crazy.  You are insane.  How is that going to work?"  Or there are those who have just looked at me with the, okay, it's your life, look.  There were a few times last semester that I thought, why am I such an idiot?

But it worked.  It all panned out.  Because me going to Georgetown College, marrying Matt, and leading a team to Haiti was all a part of God's plan.  It made who I am right now, and I am thankful for it.  I did not do it by myself.  It was all God.  Each month I worry about paying the loan payment that lingers over my bank account, but every month there is enough.  Around March or so, I started to worry about my team and the money we still needed to raise.  I couldn't think of a fundraiser big enough to cover the remaining need.  An anonymous donation was given, the exact amount of the remaining expenses.  The end of May, beginning of June I was in the mind set of calling off the wedding.  Just running away to Vegas and tying the knot with Elvis.  I had no idea how it would all come together.  The entire month I had so many phone calls offering help, time, an ear, a comforting voice.

My mamma once told me that if my intentions were in the way God wanted them to be, I would be blessed.  God would look down on me and make sure my needs were met.  I'm not even sure if she remembers the conversation, but it has stuck with me.  See, my mother taught me to tithe, ever since I was in first grade.  I got an allowance of $5 a week.  50 cents went to my savings account, and 50 cents went into the offering plate.  She read it in some Christian mom book and she was determined she'd follow through.  And she did.  Until I had a job, I got $5 a week, 50 cents to savings, 50 cents to church.  That is when she told me.  She told me that if I kept this mindset throughout my life, God would lead my life.

So many people have shared stories with me.

When I was in 8th grade, I went to Inez, KY with my youth group.  We went to Haven of Rest, a place where families who were visiting loved ones in prison could sleep and rest from their travels.  The woman who opened it did so because her son had been in prison for a long period of time.  When she came to visit, there was no where affordable for her to stay.  So, she decided to take the problem into her own hands.  She built a wonderful place that people could come to, support each other, and know they weren't alone.  She didn't know where the resources would come from, where the help would come from, or the money.  When we arrived, we helped build a new building.  The new building would provide more rooms because her small place was getting too small for the growing amount of visitors.  She had needed to expand for a while, but $10,000 wasn't pocket change.  So, she prayed for God's help.  And do you know that one day out of the blue a man came by and said that he felt he had been called to donate to the Haven of Rest.  And he handed her a $10,000 check.  Just handed it to her!  And with groups like ours, her building was built.  Now more families could stay at the Haven of Rest and find peace they desperately needed.

Today, my dear friends experienced something similar.  A need was met by someone they barely know.  A burden was lifted and the smiles on their faces were priceless.  In a selfish way, I feel a small burden off myself. I have often spent many times praying, how can I help?  I do not have what they need.  I am often frustrated by the amount of need I am surrounded by, and the small amount I have to give.  But, then God shows me He is not small, and neither are those who follow Him.

Well, I could keep going but the odd hours of my internet provider have turned on me and they are closing down.  I would love to hear stories of how God has worked in your life, shown you the way, and shown you the impossible is possible.  God teaches lessons in unique ways.

Lesson #7: Language is not always a barrier

Hello!  Hola!  Bonjour!  Hey you!

First, thank you for the many comments on my last post!  It was sweet to know that someone is reading... I know that I typed in my first post that I didn't care if anyone read the blog, I was typing for myself, it is nice to know someone is listening.

The posts about Haiti will last a while...  I feel I still have so much to process, so much to say, and so much to change in order to honor the Haitians and all that they taught me.  Yes, the Haitians taught me so much, and just in one week.

My last post mentioned a few times that the language difference was a big scare in the beginning.  Actually, on the way to the airport in the church van, I asked my group to go around and tell their "good feeling and bad feeling" about the trip.  So, each person shared something they were excited for and something that was causing stress, worry, or anxiety.  One of our members said that the language barrier was a worry.  We all agreed with the worry and it was a mutual stressor.

I think that I can safely say that we all worried for nothing.  There was no language barrier, and each night we talked about how amazing it was.  Every night we gathered for our debriefing and every night we all had new lessons, new stories, new moments that would forever be remembered with people who spoke a different language.  Today I thought'd I'd type about just one.

Day 1 the bosses asked for 2 volunteers.  One of my hands shot into the air and the other pointed to Sable, a fellow member of our team.  We noticed the bosses sort of laughing to themselves but didn't think anything of it.  We were told to follow one of the bosses and he'd show us what to do.  If only we had known we had volunteered for sifting sand!  If anyone has not sifted sand in Haiti (which I imagine is a lot of you) let me tell you.  IT IS TOUGH.

Anway... Point of the story.  We follow one of the bosses to a spot in between two of the houses with a big pile of rocks, 2 shovels, 3 wheel barrels, and a sifter.  We watched as a few Haitians modeled for us what to do.  It was pretty simple.  One person shovels a big pile of rocks into the sifter and the other person holds the sifter, sifts, and dumps.  We started our job and found a sort of rhythm and thought we were doing fine.  Meanwhile there are Haitians all around, shoveling, cleaning up the dumped rocks, and crushing up more rock to shovel.  Then, one of the Haitian ladies comes and takes the sifter from Sable.  Another Haitian woman starts to shovel and the other starts sifting really, really fast.  Sable and I looked at each other and were amazed at the speed of these women.  Then, they handed us our tools back and looked at us as if to say, if you are going to do this, you gotta be more efficient.  After that, we picked up our speed until we were relieved.  We about died, but we did it.

The urgency wasn't rude, the lesson wasn't insulting, it was eye opening.  The only times that the people in the village can work on building more houses is when there is a group there.  With a group comes money, with money comes materials, with materials comes progress.  While we were there they wanted to get done as much as possible.  What was truly amazing was that the lady who taught us the lesson, the lady who sped us up without a word, she already had a home.  Her family was one of the first to recieve a home.  She had moved out of her tent long ago.  While she was helping us she was also doing washing her families clothes and watching after her many children.  She was busy, she had other responsibilities, and no one would have blamed her for not helping.  But she came out of her home, in the heat of the day, and helped build someones home.  SOMEONES home.  The home hasn't been assigned.  No one knows who will live there.

That lesson was taught to me without one word exchanged by this lady.  In this picture she looks small, but let me tell you about her might.  Her arms were ripped with muscles, her drive could be seen from miles away, and her heart was bigger than her entire being.  I wish so badly I could remember her name.  She told me, but there were some names that were so foreign to us that we could not commit them to memory because we could not grasp them.  I will never forget her though, and her amazing out pouring of love.

I pray that you will learn from what I have learned.  I only hope to pass on the lessons of the Haitian people so that when I return I can say with confidence that I have honored their teachings.  I can say that I have told my people what I have learned.  Then, maybe, I can recieve the blessing of learning more from them.

Lesson #6: Going to Haiti WILL change your life, if you let it

Bonjour readers!  I am sorry for the late blog... I know have been on home since Saturday... But, as usual, my life has been crazy and so, 5 days later here I am.  The blog has been on my mind since I returned.  I have thought over and over, where do I begin?  Just to warn you, the next million posts could be about Haiti.  You can ask my housemates, I can talk for hours about Haiti.  (They have heard enough, they probably feel they have been there)

In Haiti I learned SO many lessons.  My whole team learned so many lessons.  I literally don't know where to begin!

Lesson #6: Going to Haiti WILL change your life, if you let it

I knew going in that I would come back different.  I knew that the person getting on the plane would not be the person getting off the plane.  I had no idea that my world would be turned upside down. 

People say, step out of your comfort zone.  Try something new.  Up until then, stepping out of my comfort zone had been trying the new vegetable from our CSA.  Stepping out of my comfort zone had been going to Washington, DC and sleeping on the floor.  Stepping out of my comfort zone had been going to work in a camp in New Mexico for an entire month without cell service.  When I stepped into Haiti, I was given a new definition of comfort zone.  I had never really, truly been out of my comfort zone.  Not like this.  The people, the buildings, the weather, the language, the smells, the tastes, the noises, the animals, the atmosphere, the traffic flow (or lack of), the attitudes, the money, the bathrooms, the shops,the plants, and the names were ALL new to me. In a blink of an eye, everything I knew was stripped from me and I had thrown myself into a world of unknown.

At first, I hated it.  On our 7 and a half hour bus ride, (YES, it was supposed to be 3 hours tops, it ended up being 7 and a half.  Soak that in.  Then add the fact that we went 18 miles.  Shocked?  We were too).  Anyway, on our 7 and a half hour bus ride I asked God a million times, why did You do this?  Why am I here?  I don't belong here.  How am I supposed to lead a group of 10 in a country I know nothing about?  I think You made a mistake, I am not cut out for this.  I was simply overwhelmed, culture shocked, and I felt all alone.

I could have shut down, went through the week numb.  I have seen many do this on my past trips.  I have seen it done before.  I was tempted.  I was SO tempted.  It felt too hard.  But instead, I prayed. And I prayed hard.  I have never spent so much time in prayer.  Me? Pray? Not usually, not that often. I use music as my way to worship. Me? Pray? Not usually.

See, some people, they learn after the first time they are told.  Me?  Sometimes I have be told twice, or three times, my mom would argue I have to be told 20.  I learned a lesson once before, a long time ago.  In 2008 I believe?  I went to New Mexico for the second time.  I stayed there for the whole month of June and while I was there I worked at a camp.  Working at camp IS NOT EASY.  You wake up and begin your day around 6:30am?  And you do not stop until 7:30 or 8pm.  Once again, I had no cell service, except a few hours on Saturdays.  And in 2008, Matt, who was my boyfriend then, was, of course, my whole world.  I was a teenager in love.  So, by the end of the four weeks I was tired, homesick, and emotionally exhausted.  I got on the plane to leave, but I wasn't going home.  I was flying to Chicago to join my youth group for a week long mission trip.  I was sitting in the airport, waiting for the church van to pick me up, my phone was about to go dead, and the van was stuck in traffic.  (Not 7 and half hours, thankfully).  The same thoughts were going through my head.  Why did I do this?  God, why am I here?  I am tired, homesick, and emotionally exhausted.  I can't make it through this week.  It's impossible.  So, I prayed.  I prayed for God to give me strength.  I needed strength so bad.  Physical strength, emotional strength, and mental strength.  And let me tell you, I got it.  The only explanation for me getting through that week was God.  He gave me strength and I felt refreshed.  I enjoyed that week and learned a lot.  I was thankful for my week in Chicago when I left.

So, let's refocus, I am sitting in the bus, in the middle of Haiti, people running all around us, beggers at our windows, motorcycles honking and flying by, cars going every direction, and I feel like I am all alone.  So, I prayed.  I prayed for the same thing I did in the Chicago airport.  I prayed for strength.  Physical, emotional, and mental strength.  And I also prayed for my eyes, ears, and heart to be open.  Open to the things I was supposed to see, hear, and learn.  I prayed that my team's eyes, ears, and hearts would be open too.  I wanted so badly to embrace the country of Haiti and to learn from the people.  And I did.  We did.

So, if you let it, Haiti will teach you a lot.  Haiti is something special, I cannot wait to tell you all about it.