Day 1 – My heart is broken.
So extremely broken. I did not
think that this trip would be so emotionally exhausting, but it is. I have been joking that this week of playing
and cuddling with babies would be like a vacation, but it is not. It is hard, draining work. These babies are not like my baby. They are different in so many ways. Their lives are so extremely tough and to
watch them live a day in their life was one of the hardest things I have ever
had to do. With tears held back, I tried
my best to assist as much as possible but even my efforts were limited.
Let me tell you in a nutshell what the center is like. The kids who are here are very
malnourished. Most kids are brought to
the center by their parents so they can be nursed back to health. Some of the kids are ordered by a judge when
family is not able to care for the kids.
They are divided by developmental stages because a lot of their ages do
not match their abilities. In fact, you
probably cannot guess the age of a lot of the kids. The ones I will be talking about the most are
the Dolphins (newborns, medically fragile, little new to world babies) and the
Canaries (3 month to a year, sitting up, pulling up, crawling, getting mobile
babies). There are older kids, but we
all know that I am BABY CRAZY so I stick to those. Technically, I am assigned to the Canaries but
I take my “break” in the Dolphin room because who can get enough of the tiny
babies!!!
Each room has a nanny, I think. Sometimes there were 2 nannies in our
room. So 2 max. And then there is an intern. The interns stay 5 weeks at a time. Each room has a different amount of kiddos
depending on population. The Canaries
(once again, my group of “starting to go-getters”) have 18 kids in their
room. So picture 2 or 3 adults to 18 malnourished,
underdeveloped kids. All day, every day. I can’t even imagine how they do it. When there is a group, like us, we are spread
out into the different rooms and provide assistance.
So that is a little bit of background of what’s going on
here. So then I come in.
I walk into a room full of beautiful faces. The cribs line the walls and the play area is
in the middle. I walk in and there are
babies crying, sleeping, and just sitting.
As we are introduced to each one I watch as they cry, no one picks them
up. No one runs to snuggle. No one runs to find out what is wrong.
We find out the only way they get out of their crib is if
someone is ready to bathe them, change them, and put them on the play mat. They cannot get out or be held just
because. We have a schedule and we have
got to stick to it to be sure we get it all done. So they lay there, crying, waiting.
The daily routine is: breakfast (8:00am?), bath time, play time,
snack time, play time, lunch (12:30pm), diaper change, nap (2:00pm), snack
time, diaper change, pj time, nap time (5:30), dinner (8:30), diaper change,
bedtime.
It looks good on the surface, but if you REALLY look and if
you experience it, you realize it is not a totally all around healthy baby
schedule. It is meeting their BASIC
needs but not nearly all the needs.
At home, with little man, our 3 month old foster baby, this
schedule would not go over well. First
of all, he makes his own schedule.
Second of all, there is not nearly enough snuggle and play time in there
for him. As a crazy psych lover, I am on
top of his milestones, his mental needs, his physical needs, his emotional
needs, and that all comes with what activities we are supposed to be doing. A baby needs to snuggle and be talked to and
be picked up and bounced and sat up in the corner of the couch and on his tummy
and spend time outside and see different rooms and play and be stimulated. When he cries, he should know someone cares
enough to come and help. When he cries,
there should be loving arms ready to pick up and soothe. In order to develop, all of this needs to
happen. Well little man gets that every
second he is awake. If he wants to play,
we play. If he cries, we cuddle. If he wants to take a late nap, we wait. If he wants to eat early, we eat early. If he wants to just lie on my chest and stare
into my eyes and hold onto my tshirt, then that is what we do.
Now, look back at that schedule, can you fit everything I
just said in? With a 3:18 ratio? No.
You can’t.
Now let say loud and clear, I am not saying that this
program is doing anything wrong!! They
are doing so much good. The people here
have such big loving hearts and you can see it when they look at those
babies. The people who work here are
doing EVERYTHING they can, I am serious.
EVERYTHING physically possible. But,
three adults to eighteen malnourished babies is not a ratio that meets all the
needs. It’s just not. It is enough to get bellies full, diapers
changed, baths, and clothes changed. And
even that is a stretch when you add washing the bottles, doing the laundry,
changing the sheets, cleaning the room, and fixing the food. The work that the nannies and interns are
doing is unbelievable. Who knows where
these kids would be without them.
So, at the end of today my heart breaks. I ache knowing what I know.
God never stops. If
you are willing, he never stops opening your eyes and teaching. Sometimes it hurts to see and hear what He
wants us to, but in my experience there is always joy somewhere in the darkness. As heavy as my heart feels now, I know that
the smiles and laughs that I will see tomorrow can take that away as fast as it
came. It is important to remember that
no matter how much darkness and sorrow is brought into your life, never forget
the importance of letting the light and joy in.
There is a purpose in everything, God is beautiful and powerful and “He
makes beautiful things out of the dust.”
